Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Clay's LiveJournal:

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Monday, September 2nd, 2002
2:44 am	If TV wasn't shitty enough... Real TV Guide If the "Hillbillies" are real, why not the Dukes of Hazzard? By David Plotz Posted Thursday, August 29, 2002, at 3:07 PM PT From Thursday's Washington Post: CBS is bringing back "The Beverly Hillbillies." This time, however, the family members we laugh at won't be played by Hollywood actors; they'll be real live rubes from the South. … The network already has a crew of casting agents combing "mountainous, rural areas" in Arkansas, West Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee and Kentucky in search of a "multi-generational family of five or more—parents, children and grandparents—who will be relocated for at least a year" to a mansion in Beverly Hills, said CBS spokesman Chris Ender. … The family will be given money—exactly how much hasn't been determined—with which to buy expensive cars and designer suits, hire maids and personal assistants, and dine at hot West L.A. eateries. Oct. 8, 2002 News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch, alarmed by declining ratings at his flagship Fox Network, has agreed to open his house to TV cameras and to two inner-city black children, Fox announced today. The show based on Murdoch's adventures, tentatively titled Really Diff'rent Strokes, will air Sunday night after The Simpsons. Fox says Murdoch will keep the children as long as ratings are strong but retains the option of "returning" them. Nov. 4, 2002 Just some good old boys? Never meanin' no harm? TV viewers will be the judge of that when The Real Dukes of Hazzard premieres tonight at 8 on CBS. The network's newest reality show will follow a family of marijuana growers as they get "in trouble with the law" in the backwoods of Appalachia. The Hazzard County Sheriff's Department has said it will not cooperate with the production. Nov. 16, 2002 Really Married …With Children debuts on the Fox TV network at 8:30 this evening. The half-hour "reality sitcom" will follow the adventures of the Radins, a family chosen after nationwide auditions. "Really Married will take the delightful family entertainment of the original Married …With Children and translate it into reality form," said Fox spokesman John Bowman. "We were drawn to the Radins because of their venomous, collapsing marriage and the fact that they stay together only for the sake of their unbearable children." Dec. 24, 2002 Christian groups today praised ABC for its "brave" decision to air a Christmas Eve episode of Touched by a Real Angel. The fledgling reality TV program focuses on a young man who travels around the United States telling deeply troubled people that he is an angel sent by God to help them. Jan. 7, 2003 CBS recruiters will be visiting honkytonks, country clubs, and skyscrapers this week in an attempt to lasso actual Texans for Real Dallas. Network spokesman Chris Ender says it shouldn't be hard for the network to hire Texans whose real-life exploits can match the drama of the '80s prime-time soap opera. "After all, how hard can it be these days to find Texas energy executives who will lie, cheat, steal, cook the books, and buy off politicians in order to get rich?" Jan. 16, 2003 Leading women's rights groups today condemned NBC's decision to produce I Really Dream of Jeanie, a reality show about a woman forced to live in a bottle and do the bidding of a male Air Force officer. Feb. 10, 2003 Law-enforcement organizations today applauded GE and NBC for their plan to spend $6 million to rehabilitate an injured police officer. The network is currently canvassing hospitals for a suitable candidate, who will be rebuilt using cutting edge GE plastics, as an indestructible crime-fighting superman. The network says it hopes to produce a reality-TV series about the "bionic" project. April 8, 2003 The junk hunt continues! ABC says it is still hoping to have a real-life version of the popular '70s sitcom Sanford and Son ready for its fall lineup. Network sources concede that production of the series has been delayed because of the difficulty in finding a junkyard owned by an elderly African-American with angina and a middle-aged son. April 24, 2003 CBS, seeking to escape from the ratings cellar, has started scouting cast members for the Real Gilligan's Island, a true-life version of the popular '60s show. CBS plans to maroon seven strangers on a desert island and force them to survive on their own. Said spokesman Chris Ender, "We feel Real Gilligan shows just how far reality TV has come since the days of Survivor." (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
10:10 am	*Twitch* I now truly believe that the end times are here. As I sit at my keyboard and type this I tremble with terror. I've heard that a swarm of locusts will herald the end times. BULLSHIT! I know better, for the end times are heralded by something far worse. I can hear them, scuttling around me, waiting for me to step outside. They lie in wait. Ready to drop from above. They know I fear them. And they feed from it. They drink of my fear like some dark, sweet wine. They suckle their young with it. And they laugh. It is a horrid sound, raspy and hissing. It haunts me in my dreams, keeping me from sleep. Even now I feel them. Crawling on my skin, writhing in my hair. No matter how many of them I kill it seems that there are more waiting. Watching. Laughing. I hate nature. I hate trees. I hate the tall grass. But most of all I hate what dwells within Mother Nature's vile embrace. Bugs. To be less general... SPIDERS. The way they move. The way they look. The way they sound. I truly believe that I have stumbled into my own personal hell. You all may think I am weak. Or that these are just the disjointed ramblings of someone close to madness. Do not mistake this for me being a drama queen. For a moment place yourself in my shoes. Take your most mind numbing fears and give them form. Now increase their number a hundred fold. I must leave now. My bug spray is running very low and I no longer feel safe here. Current Mood: distressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
1:09 pm	Chemo Kitties need extra love! Don't ask, just read... www.somethingpositive.net (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 25th, 2002
10:13 am	10 Subtle Hints That Your Parents Hate You 1. At the dinner table, they constantly fake cough and mumble phrases like, "Please choke!" and "Go to hell!" 2. You have been "lost" 17 times at various carnivals and shopping centers and forced to find your own way home. 3. For Christmas your sister gets a new stereo, a new computer, and $500. You get a sharp knife, cyanide tablets, and a pre-written suicide note. 4. If you introduce them in public as "your parents," they jerk you into a hallway and kick you in the stomach. 5. Instead of having "the talk" with you about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, they encourage you to experiment with them frequently and then drive home very fast without your seatbelt on. 6. Instead of having "the talk" with you about the dangers of unprotected sex, they take away your condoms and buy you 12 $2 whores. 7. They disown you. 8. When you got Chicken Pox as a kid, they took you to see Dr. Kevorkian. 9. They tried to give you up for adoption on your 25th birthday. 10. As a kid, once a year they would bring home a box with holes cut into it and say, "We bought you a puppy!" Then they would invite friends over to laugh at you as you cried over the box that really only contained a tape player playing the sounds of a yapping puppy. - Bob (Comment on this)
10:10 am	Rules for a Proper Existence 1. Do unto others, then run like a mother. 2. Several times a day, remind yourself that absolutely nothing you do will have any historical significance whatsoever. 3. Develop strong and unreasonable preconceived notions about things you don't understand. Then, immediately adopt the opinions of those who are smarter than you (they probably know what the hell they're talking about). 4. Change your underwear every half hour. Wear them on the outside to save time. 5. Whenever the phone rings, shout "They've found us!" and jump out the window (you may only get one shot at this so make this one count). 6. Whenever someone says something sarcasticly, pretend like you don't understand them and get really angry. 7. Have your friends and relatives constantly remind you about everything you do poorly. Make a tape recording of these things so that you can listen to them over and over again. 8. Never whistle while you're pissing. 9. Change your accent every few months, you don't want people to think they know you too well. Try doing it in the middle of a conversation to see if they're even paying attention. 10. On your deathbed, make fun of everyone in the room until one of them slaps you. Then pretend that you're dead so that everyone will blame that person for your death. That'll show 'em. - William H. Club (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 27th, 2002
2:24 am	My Favorite Female Part Is: The Ass: Soft, smooth, and perky! Just don't remind me where food goes when you're done with it! Find out your favorite female or male body part! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 24th, 2002
6:14 pm	Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
5:55 am	ADOPT A BLOB TODAY!!!! (Comment on this)
5:53 am	(Comment on this)
Friday, June 21st, 2002
3:24 pm	(Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
3:41 pm	Disorder Rating Paranoid: Low Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: Moderate Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: High -- Click Here To Take The Test -- (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 6th, 2002
8:06 pm	A moment of Zen for you all... GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas. Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future. After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 15 and 70+ a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 2nd, 2002
9:55 am	I lost a loved one today. In fact, I ended up being the one who found the body. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Silence (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002
3:02 pm	Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:50 pm	Which Buffy Bad Guy Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 7th, 2002
1:15 pm	This one is for Sunny... Bush Takes the Piss Out of Ozzy NME News OZZY OSBOURNE was the star guest of President Bush at a White House dinner Saturday. Legendary rocker Osbourne, currently starring in MTV documentary 'The Osbournes', even provided some humorous material for President Bush's speech for the Correspondent's Association dinner. The speech is traditionally the one occasion where the US president fills his address with gags, usually at the expense of fellow politicians. During a slide show presented to the audience of journalists and celebrities by the president, one of the slides appeared to show vice president Dick Cheney urinating on his Oval office door. The joke was, in fact, aimed at Osbourne. In 1982, the rock star received a lifetime ban from the state of Texas after he was arrested for urinating on the Alamo memorial. At this point in the speech, Osbourne stood up and waved and was greeted with cheers from the audience. President Bush responded by adding: "Okay, Ozzy - might have been a mistake." (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:08 pm	ATTENTION!!! Please visit and sign up. Cause really, who wants a little clay running around? http://www.freecondoms.com/default.asp?referer=wizengast@hotmail.com (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 18th, 2002
12:58 am	I never thought I'd see the day... I have just been clowned... (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 13th, 2002
6:41 pm	If it's stuck in my head then it should be stuck in yours too... Ugly http://www.bubba-sparxxx.com/media/audio/ugly.ram [Timbaland] Uhh.. uh-oh, uh-oh Tch-tchka-tchka-tchka-tchka uhh Uh-oh, uh-oh Tchka-tchka uhh Uh-oh, uh-oh Say what, say what? Freaky freaky uhh Tchka-tchka-tchka-tchka Bubba [Bubba Sparxxx] Shit I ain't choose to rhyme; rhymin chose me So I hit the track runnin - like a nosebleed Life ain't great now, but it's much improved Yo' album droppin this summer? That sucks for you Cause this is Bubba's moment - I put my mother on it I said my momma; it seems as if I love her don't it? So buckle up, cause it's gon' get bumpy I call my girlfriends Betty's, and my shits grumpies That Bubba talk - gotcha open wide I giggle outside the booth; but ain't no joke inside This is complicated - at least to y'all it is Just let me sell fifty million, then I'll call it quits But until that day, y'all in deep doo doo I never once saw you crank it cause I just leap through you What you need to do, is just admit you love me The South has always been Dirty but now it's gettin ugly [Chorus] Uglyyyyyyyyyy - in here! Huh, in here! Huh, in here! It's gon' get uglyyyyyyyyyy - in here! Huh, in here! Huh, in here! It's gon' get uglyyyyyyyyyy, uglyyy, uglyyy In here! Huh, in here! It's gon' get uglyyyyyyyyyy - in here! Huh, in here! Huh, in here - uh-ohh! [Bubba Sparxxx] Though I am country, don't get the wrong idea My ego's gettin bigger, with every song I hear Cause y'all been bullshittin, spittin that booty chatter Out here for two days and came with somethin that truly matters On goes the saga - of Bubba's plight She won't see tomorrah, if I don't cut tonight That's just my mood now; I hate it came to this How else can I say it I don't speak no other languages I'm fairly ripped now, so this the jimmy talkin You hear that beat don'tcha? That's just Timmy talkin Go 'head throw dem bows - fuck it, break a bottle Let's be honest none of us will ever date a model So let's just cut it loose, ignore the repercussions If you scared, then just forget what we discussin This that new South - take a picture of me Cause I'm a fuckin legend, and this is gettin ugly [Chorus] [Bubba Sparxxx] Now this thang is jumpin - ain't it somethin? What makes it special, this whole moment came from nothin Now you see it triples; I bet she slurp tonight Lames hide your wallets hatin broads clutch your purses tight If you ain't tryin to live, you with the wrong crowd And if you feelin brave then better sport that thong proud And if you finally breathin, then sing this song loud I'm glad I got you wet I know you had a long drought Don't worry about the law - they can't arrest us all I had to crank couldn'ta done nothin less for y'all Forget your inhibitions; I wanna see you whylin And if Bubba dies tonight - know he was smilin [Chorus] [Timbaland] Ha ha, it's gon' get (uglyyyyyyyyyy - in here!) Thck-thck (Huh, in here! Huh, in here!) It's gon' get (uglyyyyyyyyyy - in here!) (Huh, in here! Huh, in here!) It's gon' get (uglyyyyyyyyyy) say what? (Uglyyy, uglyyy) Say what? (Uglyyy!) In here! Huh, in here! (It's gon' get uglyyyyyyyyyy - in here!) (Huh, in here! Huh, in here - uh-ohh!) Thcka-thcka-thcka-thcka-thcka check switch uhh {*"Get Ur Freak On" beat*} Switch it one time {*Bubba's "Ugly" beat*} Now switch it back baby {*"Get Ur Freak On" beat*} Switch it one time {*Bubba's "Ugly" beat*} Now switch it back baby "Holla!! Ain't no stoppin me" -> Missy "Copywritten so" (so what?) "don't copy me" {*Bubba's "Ugly" beat*} I want you to.. "Holla!! Ain't no stoppin me" -> Missy "Copywritten so, don't copy me" C'mon Bubba, let's go Current Mood: weird Current Music: Ugly by Bubba Sparxxx (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 4th, 2002
2:05 am	I Hate Love Songs http://www.gwar.net/media/albums/coc/hls.mp3?gwarsid=7b5cc67c86095ca1911f5e7d6daab196 Feel free to sing along I hate love songs and I hate lovers I hate everything that I can't have so I hate you I hate love songs and I hate lovers I hate everything that I can't have so I hate you I hate movies with happy endings Like that one I saw where all the girls were beautiful like you Like you Like you Like you I hate wet dreams and masturbation I hate everything that feels good like sex with you I hate flowers and little birdies Makes me wanna puke when I see something cuddily like you I'm bored with your insanity I'm too tired to smile at your stupidity You've got the very best of me fell in love push came to shove but you broke so easily I love hate songs 'bout mass destruction other people's pain takes my mind off you I love puppies when they're road-kill They're too cute too live, too cute to live like you I'm bored with immortality I'm too tired to stick it out for eternity You've got the very best of me fell in love push came to shove and you broke so easily I hate love songs I hate love songs I hate love songs I hate love songs I hate love! i hate love so i hate you Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)